Here's a round up of my favourite news stories from this week. Absolutely mental...
Hail Twitter Full of Grace
Fake Dalai Lama attracts 16,000 Twitter followers in one weekend. Twitter are now working to get His Holiness set up with a Twitter account. This follows the lead of Pope Benedict XVI who has his own YouTube Vatican channel. He believes that the Internet is "a new way to talk to God". Ahem.
I wish Twitter would get Prince Philip set up with an account. Can you imagine? I would follow him in an instant! For anyone unfamiliar with our Bush-like monarch, check out the Top 15 Quotes of Prince Philip
Website Coronation
Keeping with the Royal theme, the Queen unveiled a new-look website to better keep in touch with the "yoof" of today. The new site features information on several Royal Residences (including a category for "Unoccupied Royal Residences") and virtual tours of lavish rooms in Windsor Castle, complete with handwoven Indian carpets, marble statues, and gold finishings. All the things people love to see during a recession, really.
Unfortunately, the site crashed on the day of launch. Moments later, "Auff with their heads!" came echoing down the Grand Staircase and Vestibule... at least, it did in my mind.
A Boring Bunch
Google Streetview which showed a couple's driveway led to a lawsuit involving privacy violation, trespassing and "mental suffering". Quite rightly, the judge dismissed the claim made by the couple, who also have the unfortunate name of Mr. and Mrs. Boring. Ironically, filing the action led to more people than ever viewing the picture of their home. DOH!
Virtual Insanity
Online networking is now being accused of causing cancer, strokes, heart disease, altered hormone levels, and homosexuality... Right then. I strongly suspect that the Vatican could be behind these claims, spread via their papal blog network no doubt.
Hackers For Hire
Sore losers on XBox Live can now hire teen hackers to use an "Attack Tool" which throws other players out of the game. Being a highly-competitive bad loser myself, I'm liking this approach. If you can't beat 'em, hack 'em!
Friday, February 20, 2009
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
The school of American driving
America is the country of bampot drivers. I should have realised this after taking my driving test here, which lasted all of 5 mintues and required me to drive round one block. This was then followed by having to perform a very complex manoeuvre - pulling up to the side of the road.
For anyone who aspires to be an American (or to be fair, Oregonian) driver, here are some simple rules to follow:
1. Always have something in your hands when you are driving (either a phone, a donut, or a burger), preferably when you are trying to reverse out of a space. Reversing is a very complex manoeuvre that requires at least 10 minutes to perform. One can build up an appetite during this time, so feel free to text friends or have a snack in between.
2. When parking on a busy road, don't look to see if anything is coming up beside you. Simply fling out your car door as wide as it will open. The more cars and/or cyclists you manage to hit the better.
3. Never use your indicators (aka blinkers). If you happen to see someone who does then speed up to stop them from getting in/out.
4. Two second rule? There is no two second rule. Drive bumper to bumper and if you spot someone who leaves even an ounce of space between them and the car in front, then take it as your opportunity to cut in.
5. Mirrors are for make up and picking your nose. There is no other purpose for them.
6. Cars rule the road. When there are people crossing keep nudging forward to make them walk faster. Remember that you are the one surrounded by airbags and steel and they are the ones getting rained upon.
7. If there is a car on the road that is waiting to turn, just swerve around them. Even if it requires you to go up on a curb. You really will get to where ever you are going faster this way.
8. When you are pulling out, pull out quickly. The more you require the other person to brake the better. Once you have done so, continue to drive down the road at super snail pace.
9. When you are driving through a tunnel beep your horn continuously. It's a very clever and funny thing to do.
10. If you see that there is a closed lane ahead, then make sure you get in that lane. This way you get to undertake everyone else. Refer to Rule 4 about opportunities to cut back in once you run out of road.
And finally, one bonus tip...
11. Brake all the time. Brake when you are going down hills, up hills, turning, curving. Heck, even brake when you are going along a straight road... you don't need a reason. Taking your foot off the accelerator is not an option, nor is shifting gears (since there are none to shift). Just brake, brake, brake.
For anyone who aspires to be an American (or to be fair, Oregonian) driver, here are some simple rules to follow:
1. Always have something in your hands when you are driving (either a phone, a donut, or a burger), preferably when you are trying to reverse out of a space. Reversing is a very complex manoeuvre that requires at least 10 minutes to perform. One can build up an appetite during this time, so feel free to text friends or have a snack in between.
2. When parking on a busy road, don't look to see if anything is coming up beside you. Simply fling out your car door as wide as it will open. The more cars and/or cyclists you manage to hit the better.
3. Never use your indicators (aka blinkers). If you happen to see someone who does then speed up to stop them from getting in/out.
4. Two second rule? There is no two second rule. Drive bumper to bumper and if you spot someone who leaves even an ounce of space between them and the car in front, then take it as your opportunity to cut in.
5. Mirrors are for make up and picking your nose. There is no other purpose for them.
6. Cars rule the road. When there are people crossing keep nudging forward to make them walk faster. Remember that you are the one surrounded by airbags and steel and they are the ones getting rained upon.
7. If there is a car on the road that is waiting to turn, just swerve around them. Even if it requires you to go up on a curb. You really will get to where ever you are going faster this way.
8. When you are pulling out, pull out quickly. The more you require the other person to brake the better. Once you have done so, continue to drive down the road at super snail pace.
9. When you are driving through a tunnel beep your horn continuously. It's a very clever and funny thing to do.
10. If you see that there is a closed lane ahead, then make sure you get in that lane. This way you get to undertake everyone else. Refer to Rule 4 about opportunities to cut back in once you run out of road.
And finally, one bonus tip...
11. Brake all the time. Brake when you are going down hills, up hills, turning, curving. Heck, even brake when you are going along a straight road... you don't need a reason. Taking your foot off the accelerator is not an option, nor is shifting gears (since there are none to shift). Just brake, brake, brake.
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